Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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