like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
