Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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