he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
