the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
