you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
BRING THE BAGELS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
