if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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