maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
