There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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