Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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