i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
