Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize