First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
is it fun? or sober?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
