I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
