By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
