i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
