This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
