Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
