I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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