dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize