just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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