thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
