If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
