It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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