I need help removing her.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
