i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
