You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
