I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
