screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
