she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Too much gin, very little bucket
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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