im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish you could order shots online.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
