you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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