god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The Olympian is in my bed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
