had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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