Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
