you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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