So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
