u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
