Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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