wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Will exercising make me less horny?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
