Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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