what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
