Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was not drunk enough for that final.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
