coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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