the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
