I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
