the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
