I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
