The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
