I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
