As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
