i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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