i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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