we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
