Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
