Your tits are I can't wait for
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
