I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
