That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize