Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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