that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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