I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
