One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize