Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
