i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
