A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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