I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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