Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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