too bad you live with your parents still
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
