I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They have beer where we have blood.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
