Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
