Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize
