Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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