mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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