I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
