I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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