So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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