final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
