Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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