I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
