he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
