So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
