And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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