No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
