return my video game
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
