WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
