Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
