Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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