Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
