2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
