WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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