My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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