Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
