I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
