I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
