do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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