i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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