My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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