were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
