You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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