just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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